i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
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It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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