you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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