you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
