I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Randomize
