I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
