I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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