God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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