I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
