It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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