So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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