And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
