i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
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Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
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I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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