Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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