Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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