I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize