"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
