umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
