the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
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I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
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only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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