Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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