alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
