I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
