Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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