so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
