My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
