just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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