I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
