Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
