6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
