Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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