Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
