definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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