Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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