Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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