I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
