look no pants
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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