so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
