a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
She even gives head with a lisp.
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I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
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I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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