I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
