I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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