I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
