I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
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I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
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New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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