You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Boobs speak an international language.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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