mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
