she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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