After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I need a beard to bite.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
