just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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