Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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