i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
