The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
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