Im at strip club and am horny
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
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there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
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I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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