then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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