you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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