We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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