never play flip cup with pint glasses
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
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I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
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Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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