im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
