she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
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Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Someone signed my nipple.
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