Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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