I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
