Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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