so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize